When I first moved to Canada in 2003, I had a series published in The Province newspaper entitled Diary of an Immigrant. The series chronicled my move from Brighton, England to Vancouver. This blog continues the journey. It has been, and continues to be, one crazy ride.
I am pretty sure there is no such thing as "good" grief. Grief is vile. It is insipid, sneaky and all-consuming. But it is interesting to me that this expression is used as a kind of exclamation.
I asked the Big G what it thought of this and found the background on where the term came from...this is taken from the website www.caregiverrelief.com:
The phrase “Good grief” is believed to have originated in 16th century England. It was commonly used as an expression of shock and surprise during the period. The phrase was mainly employed to express sorrow and distress over a loss or tragedy. Despite being quite common in the English language, it had no literal meaning and was only used as an expression.
By the mid 1800s, the phrase had migrated to the United States and had become even more popular. The phrase gained its modern connotation in the early 1900s from the classic comic strip ""Peanuts,"" created by American cartoonist Charles M. Schultz. The phrase became closely associated with the character of Charlie Brown, who would often exclaim ""Good grief"" when facing difficult situations.
In the 20th century, the phrase has become a verbal tic, often used interchangeably with other exclamations such as “oh my gosh”. Today, it is used to express mild exasperation or frustration and can also be used sarcastically to express disbelief.
A verbal tic! I love it. I have a couple of verbal tics, but I can't say here what they are.
Part of being an ex-pat is the constant worry that you have changed the course of your kids' lives somehow, by forcing them to live in a country that is not where they were meant to be.
And when you have a son who is an artist, the worry is not just worry - it's fear. Have I robbed my talented son of the opportunities that would otherwise have been surrounding him?
Son L was born in Brighton, one of the most vibrant, colourful cities in the UK, possibly in Europe. Maybe even the world. Look I am a little biased ok?
His talent has grown, evolved, and blossomed, despite living in a place not especially known for its arts and culture. Yes, Canada has produced my favourite ever TV show - Schitts Creek - and some brilliant comedians / actors / musicians - but most of them had to hoof it to the States to get their breaks.
The music scene in Vancouver is improving, from what I have been told, but still - it's not London. It's not Brighton. People in Canada seem stuck in the past. Radio stations thrive on classic rock, not new music. The bare fact is the talented son would have a lot more chance of getting noticed - and I don't mean by the industry so much as music fans in general - if he had stayed in the UK.
Why does it matter? I suppose it matters because putting yourself out there is exhausting, and let's face it, sometimes soul-destroying. As long as the talented son keeps writing, keeps performing, and keeps trying, he cannot fail.
Seeing it all through his eyes - watching from the sidelines - the ups, the downs, the dips, the victories; I can feel it deep in my soul. And before you cry out, “Pathetic woman, trying to live vicariously through her son!” that is missing the point. I am a writer who is currently writing several books (long story – which is not irony) so I am not suffering with a sense of boredom or under-achievement. But because I am a writer, with a fraction of the talent that the talented son has, I am scared. I know the pain of having a “gift” – ugh this sounds so pompous and self-admiring - but the pain of having a gift is the fear that no-one else will ever know about it. However painful this is, the pain of having a talented son with a much bigger gift than I, is not just painful, it is terrifying.
They have been here for two months and are not showing any signs of leaving. Now don’t get me wrong. I love Welsh people. And I love families. But I also love my basement… which, by the way, is not really set up to accommodate a Welsh family (and their dog). It is set up as a bar.
As a Realtor, my job sometimes involves helping new immigrants from the UK. This family was referred to me a few years ago, and at that time, in their planning stages of immigration, they were researching the possibility of buying a property when they moved here. In 2010, I took them out looking at homes, and they were excited about their pending move. Fast forward three years, and their pending move became an actual one. Their plans had changed, though, and now they had decided to rent a house rather than buy. I was still helping them, but they weren’t sure which area they wanted to live in, and so I offered them my basement while they made some decisions. I was a little embarrassed about offering them a two bedroom bar to rent, but it seemed to be a good, temporary compromise, and they were grateful.
Some of us have easy transitions when we immigrate. We don’t realise it at the time, and maybe don’t always appreciate it. By we, of course, I mean me. I have moaned and complained my way through ten years of various trivial “problems”, but compared to the Welsh family, I now realise, I have had it easy. These people have had a run of pure bad luck which would be enough to make anyone question if they are doing the right thing.
They came to BC on a working visa, which means the husband was sponsored by a company and could only work for that particular company whilst living here. After just two weeks, that company told him they had no more work. Suddenly, their whole move here was in question. If the husband could not work, they could not survive. Their search for a more permanent home was put on hold while he searched for another job. The only way to find work was to persuade a company to sponsor him. Not easy. He started applying for jobs all over Canada. Hundreds of applications later, he was thankfully offered another local job. The company agreed to sponsor him, and things started to look up. The family breathed a sigh of relief and found a townhouse to rent. They signed a lease agreement, paid half a month’s rent, plus damage deposit for the dog (a total of $1200), and finally started to feel that they could settle into their new life in Canada.
A week before they were due to move to the townhouse, and two days after paying the deposit, the husband was laid off again. This was enough to test the hardiest new immigrant. How could they take on a tenancy knowing that they may not be able to pay their rent next month? They went to the landlord, told him the situation, and said that regretfully they were unable to take the townhouse after all. The landlord refused to return their rent. I can – maybe – understand that the landlord has his mortgage to pay, and – maybe – was prevented (for two days) from renting to an alternative renter, and that – maybe – he is entitled to keep the half a month’s rent. What I really cannot understand is how this landlord can justifiably keep the $400 damage deposit for the dog. If the dog never moved in, what exactly is the deposit for? Even if the landlord is legally justified in keeping this money (and I am waiting to hear from the Residential Tenancy Branch about that), doesn’t he have a conscience, or some kind of empathy for these people?
So now the Welsh family are $1200 down, with no job, no sign of another job, and nowhere to live – apart from my basement. I am sure one day they will look back on this time and laugh. Actually, I’m not sure about that at all. Immigration is tough, and sometimes, it’s just not funny.
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